Back in 2021, I worked for a completely different porn addiction recovery business. I was struggling with porn and decided to ask the founder of this very experienced reputable program if I could do some marketing for them. I couldn't afford their program, but in exchange for helping them on social media I received access to their online education.

In the past, I'd often scroll and scroll whilst sat on the toilet. My thought pattern was along the lines of "well I am going to be sat on the toilet either way and have nothing else to do, so there is no harm in doing this".

For many years I had no real process in place to attack and change my neural pathways. I defended and reacted to the world around me and tried my best to avoid urges. But, this only ever worked temporarily.

I used to think there was some special place that I could arrive at. A fantasy land where I'd achieve utter bliss. Some zen guy standing on top of a mountain comes to mind. But that just isn't the reality of overcoming a porn addiction.

You have probably heard of unresolved traumas. But, have you ever heard of unresolved desires?

Earlier this week I turned 27. I decided to write in my journal 10 things that I have learned. I didn't spend too much time doing this, maybe 5 minutes or so.

For years I believed there were many different "triggers" that led to me wanting to watch porn. For example, if I was dehydrated, if I was tired, if I was stressed, if I was hungover, if I was ill, if I felt overwhelmed, if I felt anxious, the list could go on and on.

Being unable to stop watching porn doesn't make you weak. People never get addicted to porn due to an intrinsic weakness.

With the wrong approach, you can end up spending year after year going round in circles trying to remove triggers, attempting to magically eliminate your desire to watch porn. Sadly, a lot of information makes people's problem worse. Streaks can create an illusion of progress, but they are just a facade that temporarily hide the real issue.

When I used to struggle to stop watching porn, I never looked at the exact same content twice. Instead, I would always search for a new photo or a new video. Novelty is a key part of addiction.

Can you ever be truly free from porn addiction?

Some people look at porn that doesn't align with their sexual tastes. Some people binge for hours. Some people only watch porn when they feel very stressed. Some people only look at sexual content on social media.

Yesterday, I spoke to a relatively young guy who had been struggling to stop watching a particular type of sexual content. I don't know what he was looking at, I didn't ask.

"Once won't hurt". "It doesn't count if it is just on Instagram" "I am so stressed, I need to watch porn" "I will just do it once because I'm hungover" "I will start again tomorrow" "I will have a quick peek, then stop" "I've already messed up, may as well watch more"

Years ago I read Your Brain on Porn for the first time. It was comforting to know that I was not alone. Given the popularity of this book, I naively followed what I read and acted upon the instructions provided.

Most people think they have a "porn problem". And they think this is their main issue... porn. I get that. I thought the same for years, especially because I felt so much shame around the sexual content I was looking at.

A lot of men think that if they choose to join the Beyond Compulsion Academy, they are going to have to give something up. They feel like they are going to have to spend hours and hours watching video content and staying accountable all the time. They think that it is going to be tortuously difficult and they are going to have to go all in on committing to the program.

If a friend asked you to go out for a walk in a few hours from now, would you say yes? Some would say yes and some would say no. If a friend asked you to go and watch porn, on your own, in a few hours from now, would say yes?

For years I read into the neuroscience of porn addiction and overtime I bought into this idea that porn hijacks the brain. I thought my brain had changed so much that now porn had power over me. But, does porn actually hijack the brain?

For around 2 or 3 years, I let the addicted part of the mind (APOTM) bullshit me into believing that "I wasn't watching porn". As long as it wasn't on an actual porn site, it was okay, right?