This week I asked a few guys who have been without porn for a very long time to share some advice to anyone new to the Beyond Compulsion Academy. Something in their answers stood out: Self-Leadership.

From the Beyond Compulsion Academy lens, we see that there are different parts involved in addiction. There is the rational part of the mind, the addicted part of the mind, and the child self.

A lot of people only watch porn every few weeks or months. And yet they feel terrible about it when they do. They often think about "not watching porn" and they don't feel like they are in control of themselves.

This morning I woke up early and went to the gym. My girlfriend met me there and I teased her for getting there later than me....

Recently I've been asked by a lot of guys whether they should stop masturbating, in addition to stopping porn. To answer this, let's start with understanding people's true problem.

Back in 2021, I worked for a completely different porn addiction recovery business. I was struggling with porn and decided to ask the founder of this very experienced reputable program if I could do some marketing for them. I couldn't afford their program, but in exchange for helping them on social media I received access to their online education.

In the past, I'd often scroll and scroll whilst sat on the toilet. My thought pattern was along the lines of "well I am going to be sat on the toilet either way and have nothing else to do, so there is no harm in doing this".

For many years I had no real process in place to attack and change my neural pathways. I defended and reacted to the world around me and tried my best to avoid urges. But, this only ever worked temporarily.

I used to think there was some special place that I could arrive at. A fantasy land where I'd achieve utter bliss. Some zen guy standing on top of a mountain comes to mind. But that just isn't the reality of overcoming a porn addiction.

You have probably heard of unresolved traumas. But, have you ever heard of unresolved desires?

Earlier this week I turned 27. I decided to write in my journal 10 things that I have learned. I didn't spend too much time doing this, maybe 5 minutes or so.

For years I believed there were many different "triggers" that led to me wanting to watch porn. For example, if I was dehydrated, if I was tired, if I was stressed, if I was hungover, if I was ill, if I felt overwhelmed, if I felt anxious, the list could go on and on.

Being unable to stop watching porn doesn't make you weak. People never get addicted to porn due to an intrinsic weakness.

With the wrong approach, you can end up spending year after year going round in circles trying to remove triggers, attempting to magically eliminate your desire to watch porn. Sadly, a lot of information makes people's problem worse. Streaks can create an illusion of progress, but they are just a facade that temporarily hide the real issue.

When I used to struggle to stop watching porn, I never looked at the exact same content twice. Instead, I would always search for a new photo or a new video. Novelty is a key part of addiction.

Can you ever be truly free from porn addiction?

Some people look at porn that doesn't align with their sexual tastes. Some people binge for hours. Some people only watch porn when they feel very stressed. Some people only look at sexual content on social media.

Yesterday, I spoke to a relatively young guy who had been struggling to stop watching a particular type of sexual content. I don't know what he was looking at, I didn't ask.

"Once won't hurt". "It doesn't count if it is just on Instagram" "I am so stressed, I need to watch porn" "I will just do it once because I'm hungover" "I will start again tomorrow" "I will have a quick peek, then stop" "I've already messed up, may as well watch more"

Years ago I read Your Brain on Porn for the first time. It was comforting to know that I was not alone. Given the popularity of this book, I naively followed what I read and acted upon the instructions provided.