Last weekend I ran a marathon in Seville with some friends and my girlfriend. It was difficult at times, but I chose to experience the discomfort to get to the other side.
For the rest of the day we had a great time together, visiting some beautiful sights in Seville, enjoying tapas in a restaurant, and then venturing into an 80's style Spanish bar.
Once the marathon was complete, it was complete. And the same is true for rewiring the brain from porn addiction. In fact, I spoke to a client last night who has gone over 6 months without porn and said he's stopped thinking about it entirely lately.
Like running a marathon, you understand the discomfort is going to be challenging, but it is temporary and once it is over, it is over for good. Unfortunately most NoFappers never get to experience this freedom. They never get through to the other side because everyone else is telling them "relapse is part of recovery".
This leads to most people relapsing, and then just trying to get back up and go again.
The truth is that relapse is not part of recovery. Telling people this would be like telling a runner that breaking their ankle is a natural part of running and to just carry on.
And then imagine that runner did no physiotherapy work afterwards and just passively counted some days until their next run, expecting to miraculously get better. This is what most NoFappers out there are doing. They are just holding out with motivation and willpower.
They are going round in circles, relapsing, making a few lifestyle tweaks, relying on more motivation and willpower and then relapsing again and wondering why.
When I was stuck in a streak-counting, NoFap, relapse cycle I used to ask myself "What is wrong with me?". The truth is there was nothing wrong with me, I just hadn't been taught how to deal with the inevitable moment of compulsive desire correctly.
Real change is possible. Permanent mental freedom is possible. But, only when you stop this behaviour for good and choose to stay stopped, moment by moment.
A bit like a physio, we're here to work with people to provide the right education and effective practical tools (5-Fact Script) to stop the behaviour for good, but it is then up to the people we work with to use these tools and get through to the other side.
But, just like a physio telling someone to do their training and injury rehabilitation first, before running a marathon, we make it clear to our clients to not even try and attempt to stop the behaviour until they are ready with the right tools to get through withdrawal correctly.