Why Porn Addiction Is So Hard

Tom Molyneux
Jul 2
2 min read

I used to spend a lot of time on social media and I would look at very "mild" sexual content. I was in a porn addiction and had the junkie thought that "this is okay, it's not porn". I would have the thought "I will just look for a little bit and then I will stop".

And then I would question myself "have I now relapsed?"

This would be followed by the thought "well I have already messed up, may as well continue"

I would then relapse entirely to more sexual content. And then I would have the thought "I will just start again tomorrow" and I would proceed to edge and binge to more and more content.

This led to me looking at porn which made me feel more shame and more degraded.

My self-esteem was left in pieces and I was repulsed by the man I saw in the mirror.

Porn addiction is hard because barely anyone talks about any of this. Barely anyone talks about how each and every thought I had above was a thought coming from the addicted part of the mind (APOTM) and that compulsive desires refuse to be ignored.

If we don't do anything about these kind of thoughts, we set ourselves up for a lifetime of addiction. It is essential that we deal with these thoughts directly and challenge them correctly. When we do this, repeatedly, the intensity of the compulsive desires lessens in both intensity and frequency over time. This is not just my experience, but that of our clients.

I wrote about this inside of the Beyond Compulsion Academy last night and a number of guys commented sharing their experience of this. Here are a couple of examples:

100%. In the beginning, I was constantly terrified of failure and of "slipping" and I chose to use my script as much as I possibly could. Going to bed every night was nerve-wracking as I knew I would experience tons of urges & junkie thoughts.
Now, about a month in, I feel much better. I still use my script a lot but the fear is gone and there are gradually fewer & fewer scenarios where I feel compelled to use the script. I have so much less fear in every situation and I feel great.

For sure. The frequency decreases through repetition as well. In the beginning, it felt like every downtime moment was met with a thought, feeling, or compulsive desire. The APOTM refuses to be ignored. Each is a rewiring opportunity. Take it. Trust the process.

The important thing here is that compulsive desire refuses to be ignored. The addicted part of the mind (APOTM) is like a child screaming in your ear with junkie thoughts and unanswerable questions.

You either deal with it directly using the rational mind or it will take control and you will wonder how you ended up relapsing again. Our clients use a pre-prepared 5-Fact script to put the rational mind back in control in the inevitable moment of compulsive desire.

Porn addiction is so hard because most people are being taught to avoid and run away from the APOTM. Tactics like blockers, removing triggers, and doing exercise don't help. They just temporarily manage and control the addiction until the next inevitable urge. This is why so many people stay stuck in a porn addiction for years and years. Every time you deal with the APOTM directly, you take back control. You get to rewire and change your neural pathways. Anyone can do this. But, it all starts with the right training.

Here's a short video providing an overview of the Beyond Compulsion method if you would like to learn more: