From shame to pride

A lot of approaches to overcoming porn reinforce feelings of shame. This isn't talked about much and I believe it happens very subtly. I was in an online porn addiction recovery community for many years where no one knew each other's names. I remember trying to remove triggers because I fell for the lie that "if I get triggered - I will relapse". A lot of porn addiction recovery techniques are things that people can do privately without their friends and family ever knowing about it. Built into a lot of advice's underlying methodology is the implicit suggestion to keep this problem private. And, as recommendations like installing blockers and removing triggers suggests someone doesn't have control of themself, it is hard to take pride in such approaches. Meanwhile, the Beyond Compulsion method actually empowers people to deal with their own mind in an effective way, without blockers and without removing any triggers. As such, a lot of our clients actually take pride in their own self-mastery and love sharing the work they've been doing on their neural pathways with their partners, friends, and family.

One of our clients pointed this out on the weekly check-in this week. I remember we once had a guy join the program full of fear his partner would hear him talking on group calls. A few months later and his partner had started listening to our podcast and was fully on board with everything. If your current approach to porn addiction recovery doesn't actually make you feel good about yourself and your choices, it is rarely going to be a good long-term solution. Believe it or not, it is possible to stop watching porn and actually feel really good about it. And that good energy of being in control of yourself and having no fear of getting out of control can radiate to those around you too.