When I first spoke with Mari Paulus (my mentor), the addicted part of my mind (APOTM) had convinced me that I was no longer addicted to porn.
Mari suggested that I had a problem with porn as I had mentioned that only a few weeks ago I had relapsed.
I didn't like what Mari said at all. It hurt my ego. But, most importantly, the APOTM didn't want me to face my reality.
Now, we could go back and forth trying to define at what point someone is addicted or not, but I think that would be a huge waste of my time writing and a huge waste of your time reading this. So, instead, I want to suggest an alternative approach.
Do you want to stop watching porn but continue to watch it anyway?
I hate the concept of a "porn addict". Getting wrapped up in an identity based on the behaviour you want to stop is not going to serve you. It will likely lead to more shame and a fixed mindset. Due to neuroplasticity, we know that freedom from watching porn is absolutely possible. Beyond the concept of neuroplasticity lives my own personal experience and that of many of our clients.
So, I'd recommend steering clear of identifying as a "porn addict" or trying to figure out if you are addicted or not. The APOTM will use this as a ploy against you. All you need to do is accept and acknowledge if this is a problem or not.
I think the final question of our Porn Addiction Scorecard includes what I believe is a much more important question to ask yourself: "Have you tried to quit porn many times, but eventually ended up watching it once again?"
If the score you give is high - you have a problem. And as such we can start moving onto solving this problem.
Accepting it is a problem
Accepting that porn is a problem in your life enables you to start focusing on solutions.
If you were poor would you try and figure out how poor you are relative to others? Would you spend time evaluating how poor is too poor? Would you waste your energy trying to justify why you are poor? Or would you simply accept where you are currently at and decide to start focusing on making more money so you can stop being poor? I'd recommend this option.
So, if you take one thing away from this short post - don't waste your precious time and energy trying to attach a label to a problem. But, do get very clear on the consequences.
If you have a problem that you want to overcome, accept your reality right now, know it can be changed, and start focusing on finding and implementing an effective solution. Fortunately, you are in the right place to do that as by changing your thought patterns and perspective on things you get to take back control from the APOTM.