The Deceptive Side to Motivational Thoughts in Porn Addiction Recovery
Have you ever had thoughts that sound similar to this? "This is a new year. I am not going to watch porn at all for the whole year. This is it now. The last time was the last time I will ever do it". Yesterday, was my birthday. In the past, this would be associated with a fresh beginning with regards to stopping porn. I would be excited for my new streak to begin. A fresh start. However, yesterday, not a single motivational thought entered my mind.
Instead, I enjoyed waking up with my girlfriend who surprised me with a homemade cake, presents, and coffee. Later on, after spending time with my parents, I enjoyed our BCA group call, before heading out for steak with my girlfriend.
Motivational thoughts are deceptive. They seem productive on the surface, but they take people away from the present moment and can lead to feelings of deprivation down the line. You tell yourself you are not going to do something in the future. But, then the desire arises seemingly out of nowhere and you are stuck with a dilemma because you have made a commitment, and now you want to break it. That is why instead of relying on motivation, the Beyond Compulsion method focuses on preparation. It doesn't matter how good you feel at the start of achieving a goal. What matters is how you respond to the challenging moments of compulsive desire. It is in those difficult moments that you have a crucial choice to make. How motivated do you feel when you are sick? How about when lying down on the sofa after a hard day at work? It is right there, in those moments when all you want is temporary relief from the discomfort going on in your mind that you have the greatest opportunity for change. Addicted neural pathways don't change through motivation. One more David Goggins video isn't going to help you at 3am when you wake up with a busy mind and intense cravings. If anything, motivation just helps the addicted part of the mind (APOTM) further. It is a deceptive illusion which tricks people into thinking they are on the right track. When in reality, all that matters is the choices you make right now, in the present moment. As Marcus Aurelieus once said "All you need in life is certainty of judgement in the present moment, action for the common good in the present moment, and an attitude of gratitude in the present moment for anything that comes your way."
Focusing on the present moment is undoubtedly more effective in changing addicted neural pathways than relying on temporary motivation. With the comprehensive training and 5-Fact script that we provide at the Beyond Compulsion Academy, clients can get connected to what is going on in their mind in the specific moment of compulsive desire. This enables them to think through their choice in that exact moment so they can make real changes in their neural pathways, facilitating long-term change.
