Unfortunately, I've been ill this week. This is very rare as usually my NoFap superpowers fight off any bugs (just kidding). But in all seriousness, I don't get ill often.
And it got me thinking about the past. Since I've changed my neural pathways and gone beyond porn addiction, my reaction to many things is completely different.
I remember in the past every time I was ill I'd often think to myself "well, I may as well look at porn and masturbate now as I'm ill anyway".
This was a classic junkie thought. My rationalisations would include the following:
"I'm not going to get much work done anyway"
"I'm not going to be seeing anyone anyway"
"I've got nothing else to do anyway"
"I feel terrible already anyway"
So, what has changed? Why hasn't the thought of watching porn even crossed my mind this time I've been ill? Due to me using my script countless times, I've become so completely clear on the reality of addiction that I've lost my desire to watch porn. I know what happens when you watch "just once".
Choosing to engage creates the desire to engage again, and again, and again. And as such, you end up back in an addiction. It is never "just once".
Trying to "cut down" and "moderate" the amount you engage in a compulsive behaviour is a recipe for disaster. If you only punched yourself in the face once a week, would you be okay with that? I'd take a punch in the face over being back in a porn addiction any day of the week (though that certainly isn't an invitation!).
Understanding the reality of addiction
I'm actually much better now. Being ill was annoying. But, that's life.
Going to porn is always an option. It is an option that comes with severe, lasting consequences.
Now, with a better understanding of the addicted part of the mind, my old thought patterns look sillier now than ever:
"I'm not going to get much work done anyway"
"I'm not going to be seeing anyone anyway"
"I've got nothing else to do anyway"
"I feel terrible already anyway"
None of these thought patterns acknowledged how engaging once creates the desire to engage again and comes with lasting consequences. I'm glad I know this now.
*unfortunately, we never got taught how the addicted part of the mind works. I was in this addiction for nearly a decade and had no chance of getting out. I'm on a mission to share how the apotm works and hopefully it'll help you towards getting out of this painful addiction