Crossing the line into porn?

Last year I went fully Beyond Porn Addiction. I put my compulsive behaviour in the past for good by successfully changing my neural pathways. I did this through understanding the addicted part of my mind and using a script to deal with compulsive desires. However, I do have a confession. At times, I still engaged with some behaviours more than I would have liked. This happened very rarely but the consequences were very real. The main things would be spending time on my phone or watching Netflix. And this would usually happen after a really bad sleep. I volunteer at a charity called Samaritans. I listen to people who are in need. Sometimes callers just need someone to talk to, sometimes they are depressed, and sometimes they are suicidal. Once every 6 weeks I do an overnight shift where you stay in the branch until 4am. This rips my usual sleep schedule apart.

Last year, after these shifts I had the thought that "I need to be kind to myself and rest". This led to me justifying spending hours of time on my phone and watching Netflix.

Falling for this trap was painful. I felt annoyed at myself and like I was letting myself and clients down. Whilst, I didn't end up at porn, I knew deep down I was spending too much time mindlessly consuming shit.

There is a line between what is reasonable and what is unreasonable. Looking back, I know I crossed this line a few times after overnight shifts.

This year, I'm using what I have learned to overcome porn addiction to advance in my life even further.

I am working on consistently living out a Life Beyond Compulsion. I define this as a life where no time is spent choosing to engage in compulsivity, no matter how seemingly big or small that behaviour is. No matter what junkie thinking like "I need to be kind to myself and rest" comes along.

Now, what is really important to distinguish here is that I am not intending to never go on my phone or never watch Netflix again. I don't plan to live out my life as a monk.

Instead, I choose to rely on my own judgement of what is reasonable and what is unreasonable and make decisions accordingly, always acting reasonably.

So, when it comes to porn addiction, what I recommend is choosing to stand up to the addicted part of the mind. If you're ever questioning what is reasonable versus what is unreasonable, the addicted part of the mind (APOTM) is trying to mess with you and make you feel helpless. This is a ploy to get you to engage in your compulsive behaviour. To live a life truly Beyond Compulsion, it is essential to stand up to the APOTM. Just like me, you know what is reasonable and what is unreasonable. Don't let the APOTM convince you that you don't know, because you always do. Last night I had another overnight shift at Samaritans. I actually ended up going to sleep at 5:30am. Today I am tired. But, have I chosen to lounge around watching Netflix and spending an excessive amount of time on my phone? Nope. I'm here writing this. Will I watch a film tonight and have an early night? Absolutely. I know what is reasonable and what is not. Permanent mental freedom is absolutely possible. Change the way you think and you change the way you act. You know what is reasonable, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.