I tried to deprive myself of porn, it never worked.
Before I met Mari Paulus and learned the Beyond Compulsion method, I tried to deprive myself of porn. I stayed crazy busy. I was often working mad hours, anywhere but my flat. I left my laptop and sometimes even my phone in the locker in the co-working space I was working from. My strategy was focused on avoiding any potential access to porn by staying busy and staying out of the way of any "temptation". I had spent about 9 years iterating my approach towards overcoming my compulsive porn use and eventually, I had managed to go on some half-decent streaks. However, looking back, I have realised that I assigned far too much credit and value to these avoidance-based strategies. I thought to myself "well I have gone on a longer streak by working from the co-working space, therefore this method of avoidance is working." I made a critical mistake in my thinking. Back then, I never considered how I would eventually always relapse. I didn't take into account how I would binge and edge and progress into more novel, extreme kinds of content, when applying those methods of avoidance. I gave so much credit to these faulty approaches for my streaks, but never blamed them for the fact that I was: STILL IN A PORN ADDICTION. If anything, the more extreme my strategies and methods of avoidance became: the more intense and extreme the relapses were. Binging. Edging. Even more novel material. Crucially, feelings of deprivation, caused by incorrect thinking "I can't watch porn" keep people stuck in a cycle of feeling terrible, trying to rely on willpower, and then eventually engaging in their compulsive behaviour.
Methods of avoidance can create further feelings of deprivation. But, deprivation is never actually happening.
Feeling deprived, caused by incorrect thinking, and actually being deprived are two separate things. What I now know is that I will never be deprived of porn. Deprivation is not happening. The thought that "I can't watch porn" is false and will never be true. I can always watch porn. That doesn't mean that would be okay with me. It is simply some truth to avoid unnecessary feelings of deprivation that I know keep people stuck. Can and okay are not synonymous.
The problem was never about access. It was always about the way that I was thinking. For 9 years, I tried to deprive myself of something I could always access. These attempts to deprive myself actually made my problem with porn worse. But, I falsely assigned these strategies credit for my streaks, without acknowledging that I was still addicted. Overcoming feelings of deprivation is a critical step towards achieving freedom from any compulsive behaviour.
If you would like to learn more about this concept, I have a 29-minute lesson on it. By the end of the lesson, you will have 2 Facts that you can apply consistently. Consistent application of the second Fact will help you change the incorrect thinking which creates feelings of deprivation.
This lesson is not going to solve your entire porn addiction, but it will provide a crucial shift in your current paradigm towards overcoming a compulsive behaviour. https://www.beyondcompulsionacademy.com/2fact-rewiring
