How to overcome shame during porn addiction recovery

Every time I relapsed, I felt so much shame. I felt like a failure and really stupid.

I would feel like a deflated balloon hiding in the corner after a party.

I did not want to be seen and so I'd socially isolate myself from friends and family and wouldn't tell people about what was going on for me.

I started to read Brené Brown's work on shame and discovered the difference between shame and guilt. Shame is feeling like there is something wrong with who you are. Guilt is feeling like you did something wrong. This helped a tiny bit. But, then I discovered a much better way of dealing with shame - actually stop doing the behaviour which causes the shame!

People often get wrapped up in the shame-addiction cycle and think that dealing with the shame will get them out of the addiction, but that alone won't work. It may make being in the addiction slightly more bearable. But, the hard truth is that if you still don't know how to deal with compulsive desires correctly and therefore you are still relapsing - you are still in the addiction. The good news is that you don't have to live that way. You absolutely can get out and stay out of an addiction for good. You do this by dealing with the addicted part of the mind (APOTM) and compulsive desires correctly.

The APOTM wants you to feel terrible about yourself and like there is something intrinsically wrong with you. It is another tactic from the APOTM and it is bullshit. If you've been unable to overcome your porn addiction until now, I absolutely assure you that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. Instead your current method is what is failing you.

If we change the process, through the right education - the results change. And feelings of shame become a thing of the past.

Permanent mental freedom is possible.