Language is powerful. The difference between staying stuck in the land of compulsion versus going beyond compulsion depends on the language we choose to use. Writing before running
As I write this, I'm about to run for around 15-20 kilometres. I am scheduled to run a marathon in Spain in 16 days and unfortunately my training has been impacted due to injury.
I have barely ran for months. And now with this marathon getting closer and closer I've felt like "I have to run".
It is cold and my achilles still hurts. I don't want to run. But, also I do want to run.
What's going on here? How can both these statements be true, simultaneously?
Well, the truth is that only one is actually true. The other is false.
The truth is that I want to run and I don't want the consequences of running. I don't want to feel cold and I don't want to increase the pain in my achilles further. What is also true is that I don't "have to run." Everything I choose to do is ultimately a choice. Every action I take has consequences. Some good, some bad. And no one can ever take my choice away from me. If I did not run, the consequence would be even more pain in 16 days. Perhaps I'd be unable to finish the marathon at all. Framing things differently has made me me want to run more. I want to embrace the temporary discomfort I am about to feel.
I am going to run now and will continue to write this post tomorrow morning.
Writing after running
Language is powerful.
I ended up completing the run yesterday. Framing things differently enabled me to finish the run from a mental stance of choice, rather than a begrudging sense of self-punishment.
I enjoyed the run overall, despite the cold and the pain, and got to feel good afterwards as well.
Most people trying to stop watching porn never get to feel good about trying to stop watching porn. Most people eventually relapse. And stay stuck in a hamster wheel of trying to stop and then inevitably returning to porn once again.
When we change the way we think, we have an opportunity to feel good whilst stopping the behaviour.
Do you have to stop watching porn? Or do you feel like you "have to" stop watching porn?