A different state of brain

Yesterday I was sat outside analysing more of Gabor Maté's work.

Gabor is one of the most famous "addiction experts" in the world. Reading "In the realm of hungry ghosts" a second time I came across a quote that I loved:

"There are controversies, as we shall see, but everyone agrees that on the basic physiological level, addiction represents "a different state of the brain," in the words of physician and researcher Charles O'Brien." Yes, finally some sense in this book of nonsense!

I'm glad Gabor accepted and acknowledged that there is an addicted part of the mind (APOTM).

But, how to deal with it is the real question we should be asking ourselves. Instead, Gabor asks himself and others countless questions, in an attempt to understand the origin of addiction.

Ironically, the APOTM loves this question.

It leads people from therapist to therapist, dancing around the problem of compulsive desire and staying stuck in support groups on an indefinite journey of "sobriety".

Imagine if you wanted to develop a skill like boxing. Would you go to a therapist or support group to figure out why you keep getting hit in the face or would you learn how to throw a punch?

We have to be proactive and be on the attack against the APOTM to actually feel truly free from addictive desires.

We do this by challenging our own thinking and correcting what we call "junkie thoughts". This approach is based in Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy (REBT). I love Albert Ellis' work on this (see I don't disagree with every mental health professional).

Using REBT, let's say you had the common thought "once won't hurt" instead of idly letting the APOTM destroy you with this bullshit, you would attack and change this thought. You would think through the consequences of choosing to watch porn "just once". You know it leads to more desire. You know it leads to more of that internal conflict, a frustration. Maybe a lot of shame? Lack of confidence, feeling stuck, feeling weak. The list goes on and on. It ruins your relationships, it steals your drive, it leads to isolation and loneliness. And most importantly, it is relapsing "just once" which keeps the addicted neural pathways alive. It is relapsing "just once" which results in people wanting to relapse again, and again.

This is really why people stay stuck in addiction for decades. It is not to do with who they are, it is to do with faulty methods and ideas on dealing with the APOTM.

In fact, no one else outside of BCA even focuses on separating the APOTM from the rational part of the mind and from the child self. I was stuck in an addiction for years and years and a lot of the information I consumed made things worse.

I read "In the realm of hungry ghosts" by Gabor Maté years ago and it didn't help me change a thing. If anything, it just validated my junkie thoughts and feelings of helplessness. I'm back with a vengeance against all of the misinformation and nonsense which only deteriorated my porn-addicted brain further.

What we need is a method for dealing with compulsive desires.

We need to know how to effectively deal with the APOTM in the exact moment it is doing everything it can to get you to relapse. That right there is what matters. Once we have correctly dealt with the APOTM, we have so much more peace of mind and clarity to work further on child parts and to better understand ourselves etc. But, trying to do it the other way round is a recipe for the disaster. The APOTM will use the child self against you and wreak utter havoc in your life.

You will stay in the addiction jumping from one excuse to another, always seeking out more depth of understanding, without ever throwing a punch. Prioritise dealing with the APOTM first and everything begins to change.