Having spent nearly a decade trying to quit porn in the wrong way, I've learned what does work and what does not work.
By reading this you are getting an opportunity to learn from my countless mistakes so you can avoid staying stuck in your porn addiction.
So, let's get straight into my top 10 tips for overcoming porn addiction in 2025.
We will start off with some very unconventional tips about what to stop doing, before getting into what to do instead.
Remove blockers
Yes, you read that right. Installing blockers create feelings of deprivation. Porn addiction takes place in the brain and as such we need to change what happens in the brain to overcome it for good.
Installing blockers creates a false reality. You feel like you "can't" watch porn and this is not only harmful, but also not true.
True peace of mind is found in you having the ability to make choices for yourself. Blockers are a feeble attempt of taking that choice away, and this is incredibly disempowering and ineffective. 2. Remove any screen time limits
I remember in the past I'd try and monitor and reduce my screen time. I'd track it on my phone most days and would delete many apps from my phone. However, when an urge came, all of my limits would go out of the window. Similarly to blockers, having conditions based around "what you can't do" keeps you stuck in feelings of deprivation and keeps you stuck in your addiction. We need to empower people to make choices for themselves, moment by moment.
Let go of conditional "have to" habits
Back in my porn addiction days I had so many conditions in my life. I believed I had to do the following to avoid porn: Avoid going on my phone in my bed
Meditate every day
Journal every day
Get enough sleep every night
Workout every day
Cold shower every day
And the list went on and on. It was not only exhausting, but most importantly, it didn't help me overcome my porn addiction. This is because it had nothing to do with changing the actual addicted neural pathways. You can try and be the most productive person in the world, but if you don't know how to deal with compulsive desire, your attempts to overcome porn will always end in relapse.
Stop consuming NoFap content
I used to watch loads of YouTube videos on NoFap and follow NoFap accounts on Instagram.
I also spent hours within communities full of people addicted to porn. Most NoFap content will be created by people who have no experience actually working in addiction recovery. They see NoFap as some self-improvement hack when the reality is we're dealing with addiction. The minimising and trivialising can be detrimental to people who are struggling and need real support and help to overcome this for good. Plus, very rarely do the people talking about NoFap actually provide effective solutions. The addicted part of the mind loves to have loads of options and if you have more than two options when you experience compulsive desire, you're almost certainly going to relapse. Unless the NoFap content is helping you work on changing your thought patterns and dealing with urges effectively, my advice is to stop consuming it as it's just another form of procrastination and compulsivity.
Eliminate all streaks and counters entirely
Following on from the last point on NoFap, streaks are incredibly unproductive. People often engage in their compulsive behaviours because they're thinking about the past or the future. We've heard the following thoughts from clients over the last 12 months: "I’ll surely fail after 3 weeks again"
"you always struggle and relapse at the 2 week and 3 week point"
"Its going to come back eventually, and there will be a moment when you're not ready for it."
"This is not really going to be temporary discomfort, this will last forever"
"I would not be able to sustain not watching porn" “you could’ve been ‘clean’ for X number of months by now"
All of these thoughts are what we call "junkie thoughts".
On some level, they are the addicted part of the mind talking.
Keeping a streak keeps the addiction alive.
If you asked me what day of NoFap I'm on right now it'd be a very high number (I don't know and don't care though). Every person in a grave right now would also be on a very high number. NoFap is a deal goal.
Focus on what you are choosing to do, not on what you are choosing not to do! And with that in mind, let's get into what to do instead...
Write down all of your compulsive behaviours
Most guys we work with have more than one compulsive behaviour. Other behaviours have included social media, YouTube, video games, and food. These are just a few examples. If you don't deal with all of your compulsive behaviours you'll likely end up just substituting porn for another compulsive behaviour. This does not change addicted neural pathways and will likely result in additional addictions. For example, someone may start eating all the time whenever they have a desire to watch porn. Months go by and sure they manage to quit porn for a little while but in the long run they end up being a fat porn addict. You don't want to be that guy.
When you know how to make choices you are proud of, moment by moment, you will be able to apply the same method you use to deal with urges for porn to every compulsive behaviour in your life.
Write how not being in control of your behaviours is impacting your life
I stayed stuck in a porn addiction for an unnecessarily long amount of time because I denied the reality of my porn addiction. I got comfortable with engaging infrequently and downplayed how it actually impacted my life.
My mentor and business partner, Mari Paulus, was the only person to ever help me see my own reality. Therapists had always validated my excuses to engage in compulsivity. "Aw yes that must have been really hard for you. No wonder you chose to watch porn to escape... now let's focus on the root of the problem. What led to you wanting to watch porn Tom?" Shut the f*ck up! There was nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you either. We got brought up in a society where this supernormal stimuli is normalised and that alone is trauma-inducing. So, yeah you got addicted to porn. We don't need to figure out "why" and use that as an excuse to stay stuck. Instead, we need to get clear on the pain this is causing us and face it head on.
Write out all of your excuses
When you are in addiction, the addicted part of the mind will look for justifications to continue engaging in your compulsive behaviour. Examples from our clients include: "‘I need to release" "I am too tired"
"Your body needs it once in a while"
"I’m helpless. I can’t help but give in. It’s automatic."
"Never ever Masturbating can’t be healthy"
"Porn will help me sleep."
"One peek won't hurt"
"I’ll do it once, and then I can focus on not doing it again"
I could share about hundred more examples as this is a critical part of our work with clients.
We help people understand their thinking and correct it using rational emotive therapy.
Get clear on your own excuses. Write them down.
Learn how the addicted part of the mind works
Addiction is challenging. Without an understanding of how it works, it's going to be hard to overcome it. The neuroscience is interesting and you could go and research Delta-FosB and CREB and Dopamine and understand all of that. But, I don't think it's going to get you anywhere. It didn't for me. Instead, learn more about the thought patterns that are keeping you stuck and choose to change these.
Our Help is Here podcast provides hours and hours of content on addiction.
These podcasts are based on my experience of living nearly a decade with a porn addiction combined with Mari's experience of helping hundreds of clients overcome a range of addictions over the past 35 years. Give it a listen and it may help you better understand your own mind. And if you want further help from us, feel free to schedule a call with me to find a plan that works for you.
Build a specific unchanging system that can be used for every desire
Addiction exists for as long as you are unable to deal with compulsive desires. Most content on overcoming addiction skirts around the real problem. To have any chance of overcoming porn for good, you need a replicable process that you can trust and use for every single urge.
If you deal with your urges in the same effective way, repeatedly, and over time, the brain will change. You rewire addicted neural pathways, get your confidence and self-esteem back and move on with your life. I hope these tips help you and I wish you the best of luck in overcoming porn addiction!